Love, Control, and a Whole Load of BS...

I have a short and thoroughly unprofound philosophy on love and relationships. Maybe this is why I struggle with the physical emotions involved with this whole complicated concept, which are not just 'love' but run the whole gamut from lust to jealousy, envy, hatred and beyond. It's like trying to jam a square peg into a round hole - my philosophy being the peg, real life being the hole. Here, you'll see why:

My deal is this:

You can't control who you fall in love with. Period.

And in turn, you can't just presume someone will fall in love with you. What did Jack say? "Lord knows that this world is cruel, and I ain't the lord, no I'm just a fool, learning lovin' somebody dont make them love you." That's the crux of it, no? There's no rhyme or reason, no master plan to make the ladies or guys drop at your knees. That's what heartbreak is all about. And yes, of course I've fallen for girls who don't reciprocate, and yes it is a bitch, and often the opposite is just as bad. But I am who i am, and unless I do something profoundly stupid, I at least get it. It's me, but it's nothing really specific about me. Kind of understand what I am saying? I don't have the power to change her mind, before or after shit hits the fan.

To a certain extent this lack of control often scares the shit out of me. What if i fall in love with the totally wrong person and get screwed? What if the wrong person falls in love with me? There are so many 'what ifs' that it worries at my head like an itch sometimes.

So then, why do I feel most of the time that finding that 'someone' is just something that happens to all of us? Realistically it is an irrational and nearly impossible concept, given my outline above, but I don't think I'll ever stop obsessively pondering it. And I bet everyone reading this does too - even those already in love have their own set of worries. Love is rarely infinite and unconditional, although we are all hoping for that deep down, aren't we? Hoping for the control to make it so. Frankly, that would be too f*cking easy, and life just doesn't work that way. In fact, when you fall out of love, or conversely, when love f*cking smacks you down in the worst way, you sow that into your soil and you use it to grow stronger roots. Make you more aware. Beef up your arsenal for the next battle. That part you can control, or it will eat you alive.


Optimism hasn't been my strong point throughout my life. But I am learning. Love can screw you over, but you are often not at fault. Love may simply disappear into a puff of smoke after a short time, but it's usually out of your power. Of course, it's all more complicated than my 'philosophy' dictates so heavy-handedly, but it creates a nice fuzzy lens with which to view those events that happen in relationships and heck, at the very least it puts things into perspective at the worst of times.

Funny then how two random people so totally out of control can come crashing into each other seemingly out of nowhere, and fall head over heels like it was meant to be, eh? Huh...that damn square peg again.